“It is Time to embrace what is….and let go of what you wanted to happen.”

 Since arriving back in Canada on Sunday, May 17th, 2015, my life has done a complete about- face. After having an array of chest x-rays, full body CT Scans, full body MRIs and Brain MRIs, the conclusion is this: The BIG C is back in FULL FORCE.

On May 20th, a year to the day that I had my double mastectomy, I was informed that my Triple Negative Breast Cancer has returned to my lungs, core lymph nodes and my spinal cord in the form of Leptomeningeal Carcinomatosis. This type of Metastases can also be read about further here under Leptomeningeal Metastases. Essentially my ‘life sentence’ is 4 – 7 months, depending on my individual circumstances and how I respond to treatment.

I am currently receiving radiation treatments on my spine, as I have no movement in my legs whatsoever. My current preferred mode of transportation is the Green Stork (as shown above), as it moves me rather painlessly from bed to bed (in the above case it was positioning me for my full body MRI. Their hope with radiation and large amounts of steroids is to restore some movement in my legs and lower body by reducing the size and growth rate of the tumors in my spine. They have offered chemo, but admit it will not do much except to perhaps prolong things, with no change in prognosis.

Of course with this new lifestyle has brought new fashion accessories such as diapers, bedpans, styling pyjamas and other core accessories such as warm socks, new jewellery cuffs bearing my name and date of birth for frequent reference and a further need for simplifying.

This is about all I have the energy remaining to write today, but wanted to let all my friends near and far know why I have suddenly gone so ‘quiet’ on Facebook and why the emotions behind my posts have changed direction somewhat. I will endeavour to describe my upcoming path in more eloquent detail moving forward or when I get my next burst of ‘energy’.

If you want to participate in WhatsApp updates via Cat Mandell, please let her or I know so that we can add you onto the list.

Love to you all and I thank you all for your prayers of support and love. As this news slowly spreads I can already feel the power of prayer, love and support that surrounds me, my husband, children, family and loved ones and we are embracing it with immense gratitude. 🙏🏻 Blessings!

About denisemacdonald

I am a Canadian entrepreneur who has been spending the majority of my time between Canada and Panama, Central America. Living oceanfront, I am an 'investment consultant', predominantly in the area of real estate in the beaches areas. Photography is my hobby. In April, 2014 I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Triple Negative Breast Cancer. I will be sharing my journey here on these 'pages'. If you would like to learn more about "Triple Negative" breast cancer, please click onto http://www.tnbcfoundation.org/.
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31 Responses to “It is Time to embrace what is….and let go of what you wanted to happen.”

  1. mslook says:

    You are an amazing person, Denise! We send our love and prayers to you!

  2. Amy Allison says:

    Peace and blessings to you and your family as you try to make sense of this news. I’d love to receive updates and I am willing to help if there is anything I can do remotely for you. Much love to you friend!

  3. cindy eppes says:

    Love you, Denise MacDonald!

  4. Gloria says:

    Omg my friend, I am so sorry to see you in such pain. Sending all positive energy to you

  5. Anne Marie McGregor says:

    Prayers to you and Kirk and your family, Denise!

  6. Suzi says:

    This hurts my heart. Sending prayers for comfort and peace to you and your family.
    Suzi Jensen

  7. You are such a beautiful woman Denise. Your courage is incredible. Sending lots of big vibes & prayers.hugs.

  8. jamie fricke says:

    please try cannabis oil!

  9. Ken and Karen Poates says:

    Denise, Ken and I are so overwhelmed with the news of the BIG C returning. Our prayers are with you daily. You are an amazing LADY and we love you dearly.

  10. Tina Wilcox says:

    Denise, I’m so sorry to hear your latest news. You have defined the meaning of strength, grace and dignity since the start of this journey. Our prayers are with you Chica….God Bless

  11. Mariavictroria "Toya" says:

    No puedo creer, se me parte el corazon. Eres una valiente luchadora, un ser hermoso! mis oraciones para ti. Te quiero

  12. Bruce and Judy Baird says:

    Denise, We are saddened by this news. You are in our thoughts and prayers. We have never met a stronger woman and know you will fight this as much as you can. We are sending strength and courage to your family to be able to travel this journey with you. God Bless.

  13. JoAnn Malinowski says:

    Hey beautiful girl. Don’t give up…..We want you in our lives. You are in prayers. Love Always. Jo and Ed

  14. Ellie Wharton says:

    Denise,
    Keith and I are heartbroken by this news. However, we would like to offer you a glimmer of hope, as you know our journey with cancer over the past two years. According to God’s plan for providing natural healing solutions, we turned to a very strict juicing regime of 8 glasses of green (10-12 different organic veges in each glass) and 8 glasses of carrot juice per day. He also began to use very high potency supplements, such as liposomic Vitamin C, Resveratrol, Flax seed oil (not lignan) and a host of other immune-building supplements. It has been expensive, but it has worked, thus far. We are more than willing to share this info with you and Kurt as even his doctors have had to acknowledge this tremendous success. As you know, Keith was in Stage IV when we left Panama and he has thrived since returning to the U.S. by God’s grace. We are connected via Skype if you wish to reach out.

    • Sue Butler Evans says:

      Reading this reminded me of the a Aloe Vera capsules Jerry took daily. His cousin who had brain cancer told him about them. They both survived years longer than first told by doctors.

  15. Barb Death says:

    Oh Denise, such sad news and you have the most beautiful smile on your face! You are amazing and full of Grace. Brian and I continue to send you our love, support and prayers. May you find some comfort in the love of so many friends and family, it truly surrounds you! ❤️

  16. Sue Butler Evans says:

    Denise, I am Cat’s cousin thru her first marriage, was the rescuer of the wedding ring when it was left behind and they were already at the altar, and I documented through photography his first moments after Brock was born. Let me begin by saying I believe in miracles. I have seen God’s hand in my husbands cancer treatment. Jerry was given 3-6 months without treatment and 6-18 months with treatment. His surgeon said his liver was 65% cancerous. The radiologist said the doctor was being conservative that it was actually 85%. We fought the cancer and chemo responded. It was stage 3 or 4 when we found the colon cancer. It had spread to his liver and adrenal glands. We kept a positive outlook and never wondered if a procedure would work, but wondered how much had it worked. He defied all odds. The doctors told us it was a higher power than them that had a part in Jerry’s healing. He was never without cancer, but we were able to get a handle on it and manage it. A year before he passed, they discovered new growths behind 12th rib next to the spinal column, but we never gave in to their timeline…we made our own. Jerry lived for 6 years after his diagnosis. He saw two grandchildren born, one being his first granddaughter, and his son engaged. Believe in Miracles, defy all odds and enjoy life to the fullest. I will keep you in my prayers.

  17. Lori Robinson says:

    Denise, you are a truly remarkable woman. You have overcome a lot in the past year only to be given this (rotten to say the least) diagnosis. I feel very privaledged to have been given the pleasure of meeting you. Your strength is remarkable and a true inspiration to me. You always have a smile on your face when I pop in to see you. I will be following your blog and keeping up on your progress.

    • Lori Robinson says:

      Sorry about the spelling!! I knew there were a few mistakes and hit post before correcting them. I know you will get a chuckle from this.

  18. Hey Denise
    I really do not know what to say , I know how to fix things & I cannot fix this , you know I would if I could ! If there is anything you need let me know .
    This is important to me & I do care & I am glad to know you .
    Be strong …. You are in my prayers

  19. Hi Denise
    I am saddened to hear this , I really do not know what to say .
    I fix things & you know I would be fixing this if I could .
    This is important to me & I am glad to know you
    Be strong , let me know if there is anything you need we can help with .
    You are in my prayers of course !
    Neil

  20. Phil says:

    What can I say that has not already been said. Last night I was with friend’s of mine (in Hawaii) and was talking about fishing on Lake Gatun. How can I ever think about fishing on Lake Gatun without thinking of you and the “bucket”. LOL. It is a memory of you that I will always have (amongst many others). You are always in my heart and my prayers.

  21. Karen Serota says:

    Have never met you and am so moved by this post… Love and gratitude for your health and healing … Louise Hay is someone who may help … Affirmations are incredibly powerful…miracles can follow them.

  22. Angela Hanwell says:

    I read this and have tears in my eyes, yet I smile as I know how much of an incredible lady you are. I smile at who you are and how so many of us love you so much. You are an amazing lady and I only want the best of the best of the best for you beautiful Denise. I think about our dinner in November and smile ear-to-ear as I had an amazing time with you. Sending lots of love and prayers your way gorgeous and keep smiling and you warm the hearts of us all. xo

  23. Anne Driscoll says:

    Yes please include me. More words to follow Denise but I am just stopped in my tracks. I am thinking of you with a heavy heart but one that wishes for you only the best beautiful lady !

  24. judy kilby says:

    Judy Kilby

    Hello Denise, i am so honored to be apart of your life and journey. The moment we met i felt a connection spirit to spirit. My prayer is that God will invade your life and make himself known to you because after all he created you and knit you together in your mother’s womb.

  25. Melanie says:

    My Dear Friend I am thinking of you everyday, you are an amazing women, keep fighting my friend. You have been so strong, sending you lots of love and prayers. xoxox

  26. karin says:

    Hi Denise
    I am thinking of you today. I don’t Facebook often, but I happen to today and read your news. You have a great sense of humour facing such a diagnosis. Let me know what we can do. Thinking of you.
    karin

  27. joyce Bonovitz says:

    You are amazing Denise. Sending many prayers to U.

  28. Dave Strong, Martha Ann Barnett says:

    We love you Denise! Martha Ann and Dave

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