New Beginnings

My new look!

My new look!

Well I did it. I shaved my head. I now officially look like I have C – or like Sinead O’Connor – whichever way you want to look at it. My hair was falling out in handfuls each day to the point where it looked just plain awful. It became thin, scraggly and itchy! So after days of saying I wanted to buzz it off soon, Kirk acquiesced and asked if I wanted his help with this inevitable task. Indeed I did.

I closed my eyes until the buzzing of the hair trimmer was almost finished. When I looked up I saw a person with C (cancer) and I cried. The moment I’ve been dreading was here, where I actually look the part. Kirk held me gently in his arms and assured me that I looked simply beautiful. I wasn’t so sure about that yet, but acknowledged that it was a moment of ‘moving forward’. While I still have stubbles, I know they will dissipate over the next week or two. I will be bald. I’m now okay with that, as I feel confident this will all become another chapter in my long book of life.

Moments after my head had been shaved, I was in the shower and  I experienced the feeling of the water trickling over my naked head for the first time that I recall in my life. It felt so funny. As I dried myself off, the water tickled my scalp and then suddenly my head was cold! I giggled. This new feeling was somehow liberating. I was free of the dead hair. No more hair washing or drying over the next few months. One less task to worry about.

The most humorous moment in all of this was when I laid my head down on the pillow: my head felt like velcro – if it is at all possible to imagine a body part as being velcro. As the little stubbles stuck into the pillow, not allowing my head to slide with ease as I changed positions, I giggled again. This will take a little getting used to!

Yes, I will wear my wig when I’m out in public so that I don’t look like a walking advertisement for C . But when I’m at home, I like to feel ‘free’. I now have the fastest showers ever – no shampoo or conditioner, and the leg and armpit shaving are down to a minimum. Very liberating indeed! Of course I will be ecstatic when I’m finished chemo therapy and my hair begins to grow back. Until then, I think I will enjoy this simplicity factor that has entered into the ever-so-complicated new chapter of my life.

About denisemacdonald

I am a Canadian entrepreneur who has been spending the majority of my time between Canada and Panama, Central America. Living oceanfront, I am an 'investment consultant', predominantly in the area of real estate in the beaches areas. Photography is my hobby. In April, 2014 I was diagnosed with Stage 3 Triple Negative Breast Cancer. I will be sharing my journey here on these 'pages'. If you would like to learn more about "Triple Negative" breast cancer, please click onto
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11 Responses to New Beginnings

  1. Tania says:

    You are still beautiful, Denise, and the courage you’ve shown is truly inspiring. You have lost your hair, but not your bright spirit!

  2. favourite daughter says:

    So proud of my beautiful, courageous, inspirational, SEXY, cancer-ass-kickin’ mamma! ❤

  3. Barb Death says:

    Hey Denise.. It doesn’t look so bad on you! You sorta look like Tammy Raglan, and she shaves her head by choice….big hugs

  4. Mike Smith says:

    Dear friend,
    You are so inspirational. I have followed your journey for years and plan to do so for many more. You are beautiful inside and out. With hair or not, you are one of the most confident and courageous people I know. Your friends love your heart and your free spirit. Feel free. Be free.

    • Wow, what a sweet comment Mike. You are the same sweet gentleman you were in high school. Thank you so much for your kind words and support – they are very much appreciated! Hugs my friend :-)!

  5. Bridget says:

    You are beautiful!


  6. Julie Romero says:

    My Friend,
    You are beautiful inside and out! You rock bald too! Love how you are experiencing all these new things and taking it in. All experiences make us who we are. But more so it is our attitude about those experiences that show our loved ones and friends who we really are. I am changing and growing by being a part of your experience. Thank you for sharing it and for being you with your attitude about this speedbump in life. Love you much! Know you are wrapped in prayers at all times. Hugs and blessings.

  7. Lia Evangelista says:

    You are precious, Darling! Thanks for being honest. And I commend you for seeing the positive side to it all! May I encourage you by saying that you don’t look like C patient, neither are you an advertisement for C when you go out. For so many having short hair (or a clean shaven head is a preference) Live life to the fullest Denise! Regardless of the length of your hair and regardless of the doctor’s report! You like it (C) and don’t allow it to lick you. You are a beautiful lady, full of class! This is who you are! Kirk is right! May God give you the peace, joy and hope you so need right now. And may you have a deep revelation of the unconditional, deep, deep love He has for you, from the very beginning of time. Have Him join you in this part pf your journey, should He not been a part of it until now. He’s the best Friend, Confidant, Coach and Lover any woman could ever ask for! And He, Denise, can do all things! Love you, Girl!

  8. itsbecauseisaidso says:

    It’s the only way to go! You look fabulous. The hair does grow back, which is cold comfort until you turn the corner on baldness, which it looks like you have. Brave girl. Congratulations, and don’t forget the sunscreen up there if you go outdoors au naturel!

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